


Touchdown

by earth_lightning_and_ice



Series: Touchdown 'Verse [1]
Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: All the ninja are in their v early adult years. like... 18-21, Cole and Jay knew each other longer than just the pilot, IT IS NO LONGER SLOW BURN, Implied/Minor Sexual Content, Internalized Transphobia, Jay Gordon Walker Needs A Hug, Jay Gordon Walker is a Walking Talking Hospital Patient, Jay also has heterochromia and you can fight me on that, LIke literally he BeAts himself up without knowing it, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Right After s10 finale, SUFFER MY DEAR PROTAGONIST, Self-Hatred, Slow To Update, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trans Jay Walker, Trans Male Character, WELL..... MAYBE, and that's my main hc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:09:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27344845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earth_lightning_and_ice/pseuds/earth_lightning_and_ice
Summary: "FOR MY NEXT TRICK...."All eyes were on Jay now.He always was the one with tricks up his sleeve."I'm gonna fucking kill myself."CLICK HERE FOR THE PLAYLIST!
Relationships: Cole & Jay Walker, Cole/Jay Walker, Kai & Jay Walker, Nya & Jay Walker, past Nya/Jay Walker
Series: Touchdown 'Verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2023093
Comments: 50
Kudos: 80





	1. Rocketman (Taron Edgerton)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHAHAAAAA
> 
> NOTHING BAD, EVER HAPPENS, TO MY UNFINISHED FANFICTIONS!!!!
> 
> *forgets abt them for .56 seconds*
> 
> ... WELL, SHIT.

Everything was going alright. The ninja had defeated the Oni, with the help of Garmadon, and everybody was celebrating. Even some citizens were invited to celebrate!

Jay was currently hiding out in a bathroom. He felt salty tears stain his cheeks, and drop into the sink beneath him. He wished that everything that has happened to him could be taken back, never to happen again. He felt like such an idiot, so stupid for thinking Nya would ever love something like him. It wasn't the first time she rejected his love, which must explain all the pain and suffering he's held onto until now.

the water and lightning ninja had dated for a while. Ever since everyone came back, Nya and Jay went back to their relationship. They dated, went and kissed.... They even did try to fool around, if you know what I mean. It failed, obviously, when Nya found out that Jay was......

..... Never mind. That isn't important right now. Right now, Jay had gone from crying in the sink, to rummaging through the cupboards. He knew Cole had a stash of weed somewhere, and he really needed it. Cole always told him it 'soothed his thoughts' and 'made peace with his brain'. Then again, he was also high when he told the ginger that, so not everything Cole told him was true. There were aftereffects. So, the male shakily lit a smoke, and let things go from there.

Jay had wanted to propose to Nya, and Kai even had helped him out. You could say Cole helped, but he didn't look like he had enjoyed it. Even dreaded it, if you want to be dramatic. Jay couldn't find the right time, so when he did right before battle, Nya was surprised. 

_"I... Jay, we're fighting right now. Can't it wait?"_

_"But Nya, I love you. I wanted you to know in case if-"_

_"Jay... you're so sweet. But I don't... I..." She had paused, lowering her weapon. ".. I've made up my mind. For a while, actually, that I don't love you. I **can't** love you, Jay. I just can't stand dating, heck, even being married to someone I'll never be in love with as a boyfriend. I'm... so sorry."_

That moment pushed him over the edge.

"FOR MY NEXT TRICK..." a voice shouted, causing all the ninja, including Wu, Misako, and other guests, to look up. Jay stood shakily, trying not to fall over on the diving board of the pool. They had been celebrating in the Monastery, but P.I.X.A.L recently installed one for everyone's enjoyment. 

"Jay?" Cole said in question, setting down his glass of wine he had in his hand. He could tell the blue ninja was, or had been smoking too much, and it was rather obvious: His eyes were red and puffy, which made his blue and hazel eyes stand out, his hair was all messy, and generally, he looked like he might pass out, which only concerned the earth ninja more. Nya was beside him, gasping a little when seeing her _friend_ in this state.

Jay was conflicted. He never understood what Nya's problem was with loving him. At first, she liked him, but then, she didn't. Couldn't she make up her mind?? Even when he had proposed to her, he could see the gears slowly turning in her head, her thoughts unsure. In the end, she had said no, and left the master of lightning heartbroken. 

She never even said an 'I love you' to him, even if he's told her so many times. But now, Jay had reached his limit. He was like a doll, that Nya played with too much, and then left in the toy bin for months on end.

_She never even said an 'I love you'._

"Jay, what are you doing? If you wanted to, uh- go for a swim, you could at least take off your gi, go skinny-dippin' like a laaaaady." Kai chuckled teasingly, sipping his wine. He seemed quite unaware of Jay's state right now. He himself was obviously drunk, and so was a majority of everyone at the celebration. But Jay did not find that amusing. In fact, if you looked closely, his body swayed a little, even more tempted to fall over now.

"For my next trick..." 

All eyes were on Jay now. He could feel his own sweat dripping down his skin, like acid. His mouth sat dry, and his palms felt unusually clammy. Was this what it felt like to be high? 

He didn't care. 

Everyone was saying that Jay was always the one with tricks up his sleeves.

"... I'm gonna fucking kill myself."

Before anything could be said, Jay finally collapsed, falling right onto the water's surface. He sunk with ease, as the sounds of people panicking was blurred, and fuzzy to Jay. Bubbles indicated he was still alive, as they seeped through his mouth, and he finally was close to the bottom. 

_She packed my bags last night, pre-flight_

Jay turned around, so he faced upwards, reddish eyes staring at the bright lights beyond the water.

_Zero hour, Nine a.m_

The lightning ninja began to think back on things.

_And i'm gonna be hi-i-igh, as a kite by then_

Why had he loved Nya? Well, to be frank, he really only loved her because she paid attention to him. She had been the only girl who loved what he loved, and did the things he did. Everyone else didn't really pay mind to his endless blabbering and geeking-out, or so he thought, but Nya was there to listen and give her input. He liked that. But.... He was always so lonely. Even with four best friends, he felt like they all had what he could never have: Romance. Kai loved Skylor, Zane loved P.I.X.A.L, and Cole.... well, Cole never really seemed to like anyone, but you see the point?

Jay could feel his lack of air growing. He was going..... and going...

and going...

and going....

and then he was gone. He no longer felt sadness, or remorse.

Well, he almost did. Until he felt arms wrap around his torso, pulling him up. He didn't muster the strength to open his eyes, and in fact dreaded it. Who honestly wanted to rescue him?

Why couldn't he die in peace??

_And I think it's gonna be a long long time,_

_'Till touch down brings me round again to find_

_I'm not the man they think I am at home_

_Oh no no no, I'm a rocket man_

_Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I have something to tell you after reading this: If you are uncomfortable to continue reading future updates, cause they might get intense, please, do not read it. I am in no way encouraging anything mentioned in this fic, for there are some elements that suggest suicide, self harm, etc. So, please understand, if you are feeling down in the dumps, or really are considering suicide, please, i'm serious. Call an international hotline, national hotline, whatever can help prevent suicide, and seek guidance. Nobody deserves to die, period, and i want everybody to stay safe.
> 
> \- On a lighter note, My inspiration to make this was recently watching 'Rocketman', and the pool scene, where Elton fell into a pool and saw his kid version playing the piano or something. So.... yeah. Go look that scene up on YouTube or something if you want to see the original.
> 
> \- By the way, I am taking requests for Ninjago, and DBH fics! Just give me a prompt, an idea, or even just a word, and what fandom, and i'll do my best to write something up for you guys! Prepare for It, and maybe even comment a few ideas on any of my stories!


	2. Tiny Dancer (Elton John)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm kinda glad you're not a boy," He huffed, kicking his legs back and forth. She frowned. 
> 
> "How come?" She asked in curiosity.
> 
> "I heard girls are nicer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-Canon background for Jay? Hm, alright..
> 
> Also, don't worry guys, Jay's hugs as requested by the people will arrive too! i just wanted to give this out before that.

_Blue jean baby, L.A. lady_

_Seamstress for the band_

_Pretty eyed, a pirate smile_

_You'll marry a music man_

To Sophia, playing with the boys in the junkyard got fun, but also real boring at times. Ma and Pops always talked about adult stuff, while they left Sopia to play with the customer's children. One in certain though always stood out to her, and soon she became friends with. His name was Connor. 

Connor wasn't into bugs, or scrap metal, or tinkering with electronics like the junkyard boyd, and instead liked reading, adored dancing, and talking to older kids. Did he make Sophia turn away? No, and instead he only made Sophia's heart skip a beat, and her curiosity grow for the boy. At the time, she didn't realize that she was love-struck, but it would more likely be referred to as wanting to be her best friend. 

"Ma! I'm gonna go play with Connor!" The child shouted across the small trailer, her mother poking her head out from the kitchen. Lips curled into a smile, a look of pride on her face for her daughter. 

"Oh, alrighty! Be back in time for supper, dear!" Her mother, Edna had hollered back in her fragile, but soft tone, and turned to do the dishes she had been working on. Sophia grinned, and began to sprint out the door and soon, out of the junkyard, following a dirt trail that stood out against all the sand. Connor was a city boy, and he went to a special school for dancing. Sophia would usually sneak out to learn how to dance, since she did NOT want to tell her parents she was learning to dance (you know, kids being embarrassed by their parents). 

Running along the trail, the sand eventually stopped, and in came rocky mountains, and lush forests. Sophia and Connor always met in the woods, by a huge tree. But when Sophia arrived to the tree today, she was surprised to see a few other kids sitting with Connor, chatting away like they knew each other. Connor never said he had other friends.. Huh. Okay.. 

"Hi, Connor!" She cheekily grinned, waving as she ran over. Connor himself had a bit of a snooty grin. "Hey, Soph! These are my friends Gavin, Tim, and Cole." He directed the girl with his finger to each kid. Gavin had deep brown hair, and dirt on his face, Tim was strawberry blonde, and had lots of freckles, and Cole had charcoal-colored hair, that was swept to one side. He looked the most displeased out of the group, as if he didn't want to even be here.

"They came to play a game today! Don't worry though, they're just from my school," He told Sophia, who only nodded in understanding. Well, if they're from Connor's school, they must be fine, right?

"Let's play tree tag!" Tim suggested, as he jumped up to grab a branch and swing on it. Gavin scoffed. "You're such a child! Let's play a _real_ game. a big kid's game!" the boy replied, as Jay felt torn. She did like tree tag... but, she also wanted to look like a big kid!

Connor stood up. "C'mon, guys, just agree on one thing!" He said, as Cole glanced away in what looked like annoyance. Sophia finally piped up, "Why can't we play hide-n-seek?" in a quiet voice, as every other kid shrugged. "Okay, sure," Connor replied, grinning once again. Gavin quickly tapped his nose with his finger. "Not it!" He declared. Connor and Tim followed suit, yelling out 'Not it's as well. Gavin stood up quickly. "Ha ha! Cole is it! Come an' get us!!"

Gavin and Tim ran together, and Sophia was tempted to follow Connor and hide with him, but she decided not to. Cole grumbled something in response, and turned to face a tree as he counted out loud. Sophia picked her skirt up a little as she ran through the forest, her hair getting in her face occasionally. It truly bothered her time to time, so occasionally, she got her mother to cut it. But now, it's all grown out again, and Sophia hated it.

"Ready or not! Here i come..." She heard the one named Cole shout, and could hear his footsteps from where she was. Sophia began to climb a tree, hands gripping onto the branches for support. She finally swung her leg over one of them, after she felt she was high enough, and sat in the tree as she watched Cole approach from below. 

"Guys??" He called out, a frown on his face. He had begun looking around, and even up at the trees, when he caught Sophia. "Ha! Got you!" 

"Oh No!!" Sophia dramatically declared, before the two began to giggle. Cole waved with his hand for her to come down. "C'mon, let's go find the others." He suggested. Sophia suddenly felt anxious about going back to Connor. His friends seemed really weird... and she's never met them before...

Cole noticed something was wrong, and his first reaction was to begin climbing the tree. So he did, going one branch at a time until he sat right beside Sophia. 

"I'm uh," He looked to the girl, smiling softly. He seemed in a much better mood when he wasn't around the other boys. "I'm Cole."

"Sophia," She answered in return, keeping her legs together like glue. 

"I'm kinda glad you're not a boy," He huffed, kicking his legs back and forth. Sophia frowned, bushy eyebrows knotting together. This somewhat made Sophia angry, but also wondering why Cole said that. "How come?" She asked in curiosity.

"Every boy i know is mean to me. I heard girls are nicer." Cole replied quietly. Their conversation was silenced, before the auburn haired girl spoke again. 

"Well, Ma said i could be anyone i wanted, so i guess i'll have to be the nicest boy you've ever met!" She explained, smiling a little. She must have said something right, since Cole was now smiling as well. 

"Well, if you wanna be a _real_ boy, you can't have a _girly_ name like Sophia. You gotta have a cool name, like.... Chad, or Lucas!" He responded enthusiastically. Sophia began to think when she was interrupted by a bright blue bird flapping it's tiny wings over to sit on her legs. She gasped in awe, as she cupped her hands around the small bird. 

"What about... Jay?" She quietly spoke, if not in a whisper. Cole tilted his head to one side, confused. 

"Like, you know, the bird? a blue jay?"

"Yeah! It sounds awesome!"

A pause. Cole looks straight ahead. "Jay.... Jay, Jay, Jay..... Huh. I guess it is a good name." He spoke softly, tapping one finger lightly against his cheek in thought. Jay grinned from ear to ear, while Cole suddenly pretended to look grumpy, lightly punching Jay in the arm. "But, don't expect me not to tease you about it!" He jokingly added, as Jay groaned at the punch, and soothingly rubbed his arm.

"Hey! No fair!"

_Ballerina, you must have seen her_

_Dancing in the sand_

_And now she's in me, always with me_

_Tiny dancer in my hand_

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

"He is suffering from severe brain suffocation, and is lacking an average amount of oxygen in his system, so he will have to remain in the medical wing for a few days or so," Zane explained, as two black-haired people sit by Jay's sides.

"Will he wake up soon?" Nya asked, as she held one of Jay's pale hands. Cole sat across from her, on the other side of the bed as his foot rapidly tapped on the floor, currently fighting the urge to hold Jay's hand. Was it too much, even if he just wanted to show he cared?  
"What are the long term effects?" He asked his own question. Zane shook his head. 

"We are unsure of when he will regain consciousness. Unfortunately, since he was under for as long as he was, he may suffer from inattentiveness, memory loss, and even poor judgement. Of course, we won't know until he wakes up, so we will keep you noticed." Zane said, giving a small, and pitiful glance Jay's way, before politely exiting the room to discuss things with P.I.X.A.L. Nya sniffled a little, bringing her free hand up to wipe her cheeks hesitantly.

"This is my fault, isn't it?" She quietly asked, as Cole looked over at the water ninja. "What? Your fault?"

"Yeah... I-I rejected him earlier. He didn't...." She paused, gulping and looking away briefly. "... He didn't think we'd survive the Oni invasion, so he asked me to be his Ying. Do you think he did that because...?" Nya explained and questioned as she kept holding unconscious Jay's hand. Cole didn't know how to respond. If anything, he felt pangs of jealously spark up here and there in his system. _He_ wanted to be Jay's Ying.....

"Listen: don't blame yourself, okay?? It's not your fault. He'll be okay." Cole promised, as Nya still silently wept. She continued to wipe her tears, nodding in understanding. Yet, she couldn't help but feel at fault.

"Hey, Cole?"

_Hold me closer tiny dancer_

"Yeah, Nya?"

_Count the headlights on the highway_

"Let's hope Jay recovers."

_Lay me down in sheets of linen_

_You had a busy day today_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rest in peace, Kirby Morrow. You have been one of the best actor's i've ever known, and helped create my childhood.
> 
> (off topic, but can you tell i totally used google to find aftereffects of nearly drowning?)


	3. I Want Love (Elton John)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> White sheets, bed, walls, chairs.... must be the infirmary.
> 
> Or was it heaven?
> 
> Well, Cole certainly didn't make it to heaven. _He's_ still alive, and sitting by his bedside, so this must mean that.....
> 
> Shit. The blue ninja was still alive.

_I can't love, shot full of holes_

_Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold_

_Don't feel nothing, just old scars_

_Toughening up around my heart_

Jay felt.... pain. What he forgot when deciding to take a dive into the pool was his binder. It had bugged him, and bugged him, but at the time he hadn't a care for it. Now it came back to bite him in the ass, hasn't it?

But, as he slowly began to wake up, he noticed that it wasn't there. Did somebody take it off of him??

Jay immediately began to sit up, gasping for air he didn't know he needed, feeling his hand be crushed by whoever was holding it. "Jay!" The voice sounded familiar as Jay continued to get a sense of where he was. White sheets, bed, walls, chairs.... must be the infirmary.

Or was it heaven?

Well, Cole certainly didn't make it to heaven. _He's_ still alive, and sitting by his bedside, so this must mean that.....

Shit. The blue ninja was still alive.

"Jay, calm down... we're in the infirmary.." Cole tried to say, clamping both hands over the hand he was holding. Jay's chest rose and fell, as he breathed in and out deeply as he continued to process information. Infirmary. Bed. Cole. Infirmary, Bed, Cole.... no binder?

"Did..." he began to speak, but it barely even registered as a whisper. "Did you take off my... my...?"

"Yeah. Don't worry, it's safe." Cole reassured calmly, nodding along with his answer. Cole knew the whole time they knew each other, about Jay and being transgender; even when Cole left for his dance school, they both made sure to write a letter a month, checking up on each other. Cole had always been sweet, sweeter than Connor ever had been.

"Here, let's.... uh. Let's cover you up, there," the master of earth suggested, covering up Jay's chest from when he was panicking. Oh. He hadn't even noticed how he was practically naked, minus some underwear since Zane probably had to check Jay for injuries of any kind. Jay suddenly felt angry towards Cole. An anger he didn't think Cole would understand.

"Why?"

"Uh, excuse me?"

"Why did you save me?!" Jay nearly screeched, shoving Cole away. Nearly falling backwards on the chair he sat on, Cole grunted a little at the shove, yet remained calm as best as he could.

"What do you mean 'Why did i save you'? You're my friend!" He responded.

"I wanted to-"

"You know how worried sick we've all been? Zane hasn't been much of a help when trying to lay it easy on us!" Cole snapped, suddenly feeling the same rage Jay was. How dare he think he shouldn't have been saved?!

 _"I_ WANTED _TO FUCKING DIE, COLE!!"_ Jay screamed, which actually hurt his throat to do. Cole's mouth that hung open in wait of a turn to respond, but when silence came after Jay's declaration, nothing was spoken. Jay's displeased, and bitter expression melted into sadness. His words came with sobs as he tried desperately to strong together what he wanted to say. "I- I don't deserve otherwise! Nya was the only person I cared that much about, for- for the longest time, and she just-" He didn't check his cheeks to see if he was crying. "She just.... set me aside. I thought she loved me, and when i found out she didn't, I.... I couldn't handle my feelings. I felt alone," as Jay spoke, Cole's face turned from an agape mouth to a pitiful frown, as he reached for Jay's hand again. He didn't understand why Jay thought Nya loved him after so many years of the question being in the air. It had always been too obvious... "and scared, and i wanted to end my misery more than anything. I know, it's selfish of me, but... I can't handle it. It's a burden to heavy for me to carry. I don't feel like I belong with such incredible people like you guys."

"You are never alone." Cole responded. Jay looked to Cole, his blue and hazel eyes glossy from his tears. "You're my best friend, Jay, and I will never, ever, ever let you cope with something so heartbreaking all on your own." He told the blue ninja, who was sniffling and wiping off his tears. "And Nya feels terrible, too. She didn't think her words had such an impact on you. She still cares about you, Jay! She was the first to try and lift the water from the pool."

Jay's knotted eyebrows relaxed, as he had a hand on his own cheek. His heart already ached for what seemed like forever, and he felt like his brain wasn't functioning like it normally did. "Bu- but... I thought it was because she didn't like me because of... of my parts..." his words were barely a whisper once more.

"What? No! She told me everything when you were out. She didn't love you because... Well, she doesn't love anybody as a partner, to be honest. She wants to be her own person, by herself, but she still thinks your like a brother to her!" Cole explained. Nya wasn't here, and she should be explaining this to him, but if it caused Jay to relax, then he'd use that card.

Hesitating, Cole reached over to gently hug Jay. He remembered Zane telling him that Jay's lungs might be injured severely, since they filled up with water for a brief, but impactful time. Jay flinched as Cole's stronger arms wrapped around him, but he eased into the hug. He really needed it right now, and to be honest.... He was glad Cole was there for him. Cole had always been there for him.

"I'm so sorry, Cole..." He sniffled, burying his face into the black ninja's shoulder.

_So bring it on, I've been bruised_

_Don't give me love that's clean and smooth_

"Don't be." Came the response, as they embraced one another.

_I'm ready for the rougher stuff_

_No sweet romance, I've had enough_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a bit shorter than the others, but I just needed to let everybody who was worried know that Jay gets his promised hug! And it's from Cole, too ;)
> 
> Thank you so much for being patient with me, guys! Updating can be slow, since i am busy with school at times, but i am so glad i'm getting feedback from people! It's really makes my day to see every comment, and i do my best to reply to any questions or comments i get on chapters! 'till next time!


	4. The Recovery Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii! a short chapter today (which is sort of why i titled it as an interlude), since i just wanted to give you guys some new content ASAP, but I promise, I'm working on future chapters while struggling to pass French and Math classes! Hope you can understand!
> 
> I started a playlist for this fic! click [here for the playlist!](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJPpPsTPQJGX9u4zs0qL4z7g34uxb54zD)
> 
> Wanna suggest a song? Comment below!

The bandage being wrapped around Jay's ribs felt terrible. He hadn't been able to say that for years, ever since his mother got him a binder, but here he was. It felt like a corset, that was much too small for him, even. (He had to wear one for a mission, which is why he knows how it feels, but he and the others promised NOT to talk about that.) " _Ouch,_ " He muttered in a low voice, as Zane tilted his head to one side. "I am sorry, Jay, but the bandages are required for your well being," He explained with his monotone expression.

"And why is that?"

Zane cleared his throat. Jay sometimes wondered how even as a nindroid, Zane could still do some of the most human-like things. "Well, for example, your lungs are in poor condition, since your lack of air lasted at least a minute and a half," He estimated. "So to make sure your lungs don't get worse, I have decided to wrap them up."

Jay gulped. Well, he certainly did not like how he was sitting there, with a naked chest, in front of a friend who does not realize that he was born a fucking female. 

"You're not disturbed by...?"

"By what?" Zane asked, as Jay motioned to his chest in response. Zane raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. "Is there something else wrong that I am unaware of??"

Jay sighed, as Zane finished the bandaging by grabbing two baby pins, and securing the bandage in place. "I have boobs, Zane. How in the name of FSM are you unaware of that?" 

"I am, but I hardly even mind, Jay. I'm also a robot, who can not feel or think like you guys obviously can." Zane replied calmly. Jay frowned, but let Zane continue. "All I see is Jay Walker in front of me, nothing more."

"I wish everybody was as calm as you are about it."

"Is everybody else not?" Zane asked. Jay sighed again, shaking his head. Zane handed him a sweater to throw on, in which Jay began to slip on sleeves first. "There are a lot of people who don't like it when people change their gender." He muttered softly, rotating his body so he was prepared to stand up for the first time in three days. Each day, ever since he woke up, Cole was always the one to visit him and keep him company (Nya must be feeling a lot of things right now, Jay guiltily thought once or twice), while Zane occasionally had checked up on him those three days to make sure everything was stable. Jay had been in the water, with no air for nearly two whole minutes, and that's dangerous, even for an elemental master.

"This is new data for me. I shall upload it to my information drive." Zane said in a more serious tone, as he paused for a moment. Jay heard a knock come from the door, in hopes of it being PIXAL coming with good news, but instead was greeted by Kai and Lloyd.

"Jay! You're alright!" Lloyd exclaimed, like he hadn't been visiting Jay while he was unconscious. (to be honest, he hadn't, since he normally let PIXAL and Zane do their thing when working in the medical wing)

"Hey, Lloyd," Jay quietly spoke, only giving a small smile as the younger ninja ran over to hug him. Jay kept it loose, and pulled away after mere seconds. "I'm so, so sorry," He quietly spoke, Lloyd's green-red eyes staring into his one hazel, one blue pair. 

"Oh, Jay... It's alright. We're all here for you, okay? We love you."

_"I love you, Jay! But... We can't be together like this."_

The blue ninja winced, just a little bit, but put a smile on afterwards.

_He had, at the time, felt his and Nya's worlds drift away from each other, Jay's vibrant, beating heart slowing to a stop. He felt like his entire existence was ripped away from him, leaving him vulnerable and weak._

"... Thanks, guys. I mean it. You're the best."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if like,,, i'm not portraying Jay's depression very,, idk,, openly? Like, making it super obvious/stereotypical? It's just, as an author who is writing out of experience, i'm finding it hard to express how depression can truly feel and make people change who they are when struggling to overcome it, so if you can give some tips or pointers to being a lil more... what's the word.... realistic with such a sensitive, maybe like,, comment? or if you want to head over to my discord, my username is lunchableschad#6652, and perhaps we can discuss some things! 
> 
> also,, this is so not beta read, but,,, i wouldn't mind having someone to beta read it once or twice,,,,, IDK


	5. Satisfied (Renee Elise Goldsberry)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: (some) internalized transphobia, imaginary breakups.
> 
> In other words: Jay has a ✨ super gay, confusing, but also angsty dream✨ while he's healing. Jay can't look at Cole the same way afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for 500 hits! I'm glad so many people took time out of their day to read my petty little fanfiction! Updates will be slower than usual, apologies, as i am currently drafting ideas for a podcast series! I hate to self promote, but if you wanna stay tuned for the podcast series, i'll keep y'all updated in these notes!
> 
> Now, onto the story!

_Hazel and blue eyes opening wide, Jay took a deep breath in as a scent of springtime filled his lungs. God, he hasn't been able to breathe well for such a long time, it feels unreal. Above him were clouds that swirled and danced along in the bright blue sky. Like any kid, Jay remembers how he used to imagine what each cloud was shaped like, and to be honest, he was sort of doing it right now._

_He sat up after smiling and chuckling to himself about the clouds, he realized that he was in a completely different area now. In fact, it... looked like the amusement park, close to the monastery. sand flew through the air a little due to a breeze, and Jay decided to see if anything changed in the park._

_Well, not a lot. almost everything is the same as before, when he remembered going there last. People flooded the place, buying cotton candy and going on horrificly fast rides. But, he suddenly felt itchy, so he went to scratch his arm, and then his neck. He almost screamed at what he felt there, on his skin._

_Scales. So many scales, and he didn't understand why. He remembered that time he tried to go on a date with Nya, and he got bitten by a serpentine warrior, but...He doesn't even recall the Serpentine even coming near Ninjago for nearly three years. It's been that long._

_Jay kept itching, and rubbing his scaly green skin as he looked around the packed amusement park. It was like nobody noticed how snake-like he looked, or was becoming. What a relief, huh? Though, he was panicking on the inside, and his only thought was to find an antidote. What was it last time?? Oh, right! Nya kissed him, but he really did not feel like getting her to kiss him now. In fact, he didn't really know where she was at the moment. Or anybody he knew._

_Jay hated snakes. He didn't want to become one!_

_Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder, as he turned to see Cole beside him, with his usual calm smile on his face. Jay nearly lit up with excitement. "Cole!! You gotta help me, I'm- I'm-" He tried motioning with his hands to point out his scaly skin. Cole's head tilted to the side, as if confused by what Jay had said to him. "I'm turning into a snake again!"_

_"Jay, quit jokin' around! We gotta go get our date-on, you know!"_

_"Our..... date?"_

_What?_

_"Yeah, dummy! You totally wanted to ride the 1001 Naughts with me!" Cole enthusiastically replied, his toothy smile almost electrocuting Jay's heart to death. That smile was never something that could be shaken off._

_Date_

_Date_

_Date?_

_If it's a date, why can Jay see rings on their fingers? His was a black and orange theme, orange outlining the black, and Cole's was blue and cyan, the cyan outlining the blue. As he looked down at his hand, he watched as Cole's larger hand slipped into Jay's slightly smaller one. "But..... don't you see that i'm a sssssssssnnnnake?" He asked, feeling the rattling tongue in his mouth already._

_"You're still Jay, even if you're a snake." Cole replied calmly, in his usual chill tone. Jay looked down at their hands, unsure as to what the proper reaction would be. Cole would still love him, even as a snake. Something that Jay was terrified of, and very well knew that Jay would melt down over._

_"I love you, Jay Walker," Cole quietly spoke, his words laying down on the ginger like a feather. Jay almost giggled at the feeling of hands running up and down his sides, after slowly pushing his shirt up. Cole looked, well, almost entirely dressed, whereas Jay noticed that he was seeming to only wear boxers and the Fitz Donnegan t-shirt he once won after playing Dance Dance Revolution against a 10 year old._

_"Oh, shush it!" Jay responded, sitting up from the bed they were on. He was hurled into yet another scenario, but this time he felt..... familiar. He felt more used to this setting. He felt as though he could easily play along._

_"i'm serious, man! I love you." kisses gently pressed to his stomach, above his belly button, Jay grinned like crazy and tried not to squirm under the soft touch of Cole's hands. "You and your space ranger fangirling."_

_"hEy!!"_

_Cole nearly burst out laughing. "I'm too damn lucky to have you...." The words spilled out of the noirette's mouth, as he hummed slightly against Jay's stomach. Jay sat up, gently taking Cole's head into his hands. his long, grown out locks of black hair threaded gently through the blue ninja's fingers, while he stared down at him. "Kiss from my lovely Bluebell?"_

_Bluebell? That's new._

_"Of course," Jay chuckled softly, slightly lifting Cole up to let their lips touch. Eyes fluttering closed, Cole rising to his feet to hold Jay closer and eventually roll onto the bed as they kissed. It didn't exactly last for long until the ginger felt his partner's hand slide down his cheek, to his neck, then down his torso, until it landed on... on...._

_i'm not ready._

_i'mnotready..._

_i'mnotreadyi'mnotreadyi'mnotreadyi'mnotreadyi'mnotready **i'mnotreadyi'MNOTREADYYETCOLE-**_

_"Mm.... Not ready... yet..." Jay muttered, pulling his lips then body away from Cole. He felt like this was a repeat of something before this...._

_Cole made sure to pull his hand away, but his face spoke of a different emotion. It wasn't even like him, his nose scrunched up, bushy eyebrows furrowed in what seemed like frustration. "You always say that, Bluebell, c'mon," He pouted, and as Jay tried to respond, the noirette stood up, a red glow suddenly filling the room._

_"You never seem satisfied with us. I don't think we should ever,_ ever _be a thing again."_

_"C-cole, no...! I-I didn't mean that, Please-" Jay scrambled to get up, to explain himself, like he must have several other times, but Cole scoffed. "I'm.... too hurt.... I don't want you to leave." he nearly whispered. Jay usually didn't find himself this desperate, but it seems now he's changed._

_"You're always complaining about how you can't be a man. I'm really starting to believe you." He sounded so cruel, so mean that it was weird coming out of Cole's mouth. Jay almost shattered when he heard him speak._

_"I'll- I'll do better! I promise, please!" tear's threatened to spill, but he was confused as to why he cried so much. Why was he so desperate? Why did this all feel like some sick nightmare out to haunt him?_

__"No. We're through, Jay."_ _

__We're through._ _

__We're through....._ _

__We're throughWe'rethroughWe'rethroughWe'rethroughWe'rethroughWe'rethroughWe'rethroughWe'rethroughWe're **throughWe're throughWe're throughWe're throughWe're throughWe're throughWe're throughWe're through**_ _

"NO!" 

"Jay, you need to calm down- _calm down._ " Lloyd's voice was heard, and Jay realized that he was shielding himself, almost. Slowly opening his eyes, he lowered his arms shakily, breathing frigid. Looks like Lloyd was on graveyard duty to watch Jay, in case if his lungs collapsed. "Just breathe, ready? one, two three, one, two three, one..."

"one..... two, and.... three.." Jay's voice was breathy as he repeated his friend, a hand on his bandaged chest to steady his breathing. This was an exercise Zane taught him, to keep him from overwhelming his lungs, while they were in the healing process.

I'm calm. 

It's okay.

What the hell had happened?

"Oh, Jay, it looks like you're boiling worse than a lobster," Lloyd commented, glancing at his now reddish skin, and the degree section on his monitor. Jay had been doing quite well at healing, until his lungs failed again. PIXAL sent him on bedrest because of that, and now everyone offered to take an amount of shifts watching him. Zane and Lloyd teamed up to take the most hours, mostly between 12am and 6am (so must be why Lloyd was watching him now). Nya took 7am till 9, Cole took from 10 to 3, Kai took 4 to 5, and Pixal took 6pm to 11. Jay didn't understand why they'd waste time out of their busy lives to sit there and keep him company, so he took it with a grain of salt.

"Are you alright?" Lloyd calmly asked, in his usual tone. Jay shrugged, pulling the medical white covers up to his neck. "Wanna talk about it?"

His head shook side to side.

"I see. Well, perhaps Nya will talk with you about it. I've gotta go, so i'll tell Zane to check your temp later, okay?"

"Okay.." Jay muttered, as Lloyd waved himself out. As he waited for Nya, he began to think about what the hell happened.

Was that all just a dream?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun, dun DUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! CLIFFHANGER!!!!!


	6. Line Without A Hook (Ricky Montgomery)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Silence._
> 
> _Silence._
> 
> _This was awkward._
> 
> In summary, Nya tries to be relatable, kind, and not awkward. Jay gets a little (VERY VERY VERY) pissed off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE, SHAWTY!!!
> 
> Hi! I hope y'all had awesome holidays, and are ready for the new year! WHOO! 
> 
> As always, I'm trying to give you guys new content as soon as I can, so here you are!

Jay never decided to tell Lloyd about his dream. It had hardly even felt like a dream! It felt so real, it scared the brunette. Lloyd didn't pressure him to explain, and Jay was actually quite thankful for that. The two talked for a while, since Jay was certainly not going to fall back asleep, and before they knew it, 7am rolled around. Lloyd had places to be around the ship, _more important people to be talking to,_ Jay thought bitterly as the blonde left with a wave as Nya stopped him in the doorway to say a good morning.

Jay almost threw up at the sight of her. Not because he didn't like her or anything, or he wasn't used to her visiting, but..... It's been hard. Typically, Nya and him didn't talk during her time watching him, minus her trying to check up on him, seeing how he's feeling. Of course, it was hard for Jay to actually say what he was feeling, especially to the person he thought was going to be his soulmate.

Oh, who was he kidding? Soulmates don't exist. It's just a dumb cliche, right? They don't exist, because it's not a generic Hallmark movie situation, where the corporate business person is destined to be your lover.

In this case, most certainly not.

"Hey," Nya greeted Jay, sitting in the chair by his bedside. She was wearing a black leather jacket, with a deep blue t-shirt on underneath it. Her black hair looked messy in the ponytail she tied it up in, and to be honest, Jay still thought she looked pretty. But..... the emotion wasn't really anything more than complimentary. 

"Hi." Jay croaked, looking out the window before glancing back at Nya. The sun was rising, and it's gold light shined through to the two. 

Silence. 

Silence. 

This was awkward, If Jay was being honest. Nya never really discussed anything with Jay, just was really there to make sure he was alright. 

"So, uh.... I had a few questions I really wanted to ask." She finally spoke up, Jay raising a scarred eyebrow. She wanted to ask questions? About what, How he nearly tried to kill himself? It's been nearly a week now, surely she could have said something sooner. "About.... Uh.." The water ninja put a balled fist to her mouth, as she cleared her throat. It was almost like she was struggling to say words right now. "You being a... female."

"Well, actually, I'm _not_ a female." Jay crossly answered, his hands gripping the edges of his bed sheets slightly. Ouch. Did she really just say that?

"Well, no- you know what i mean."

"It's called being transgender," Jay pointed out, eyebrows knitted together. Nya snapped a finger in response.

"Right. I knew that.... So um, why didn't you tell me before?" She asked, moving her hands to sit in her lap, folded neatly. Jay sighed. "You, uh- don't have to tell me, I just kinda wanna know."

"It isn't easy telling somebody you're not who they think you are. Or were. It was..." The lightning ninja took in a deep breath, eyes closing before opening once again as he sort of steadied himself. Did he really want to talk about this with her? No, not really, but it's actually better than just the silence they usually shared now. "It's hard to explain, okay? I- I just... Don't think you'd understand."

Jay could tell Nya was getting ready to brainstorm an argument. Maybe silence was better than this.... "But I do understand! You know that my potential as a water ninja was always doubted, but look at me now! Now i'm not just some dumb mechanic."

Jay almost laughed in her face. What, was she trying to make him feel better? Well, if that was the case, she wasn't, if not making it worse. "Seriously? You think that is as bad as years of dysphoria? Huh? Years of- of telling myself that I'm no good being what I want to be, YEARS of trying to be what I want people to see me as? My powers were easy compared to what went on in here." He tapped on the side of his head, pointing at his brain. He could feel himself getting riled up with Nya's poor excuse for being comforting. "I almost killed myself because I was so scared that you knew. You fucking knew about me, told other people so that THEY KNEW TOO, and didn't want to tell it to me straight."

"Jay, please, I- I didn't, and that wasn't the reason why-"

"Oh, look, and now, the only time i'm willing to tell you my sob story, you are trying to make me feel better. It isn't working."

Nya opened her mouth to respond. Nothing. "Mhm, that's what I thought. So just... stop trying to make me feel confident or some shit, okay? It doesn't work on me, and I'd like to go back to silence." Jay requested, as his grip on his bedsheets loosened. Nya complied, and looked away with a mixed expression on her face.

Silence, was there once more to engulf the two in.

Nya eventually left, and Cole was the one to arrive in after.

"So she just... What? Didn't she try to make you feel better?" Cole asked, sitting beside Jay on his bed. 

"Well, tried would be an appropriate word. She more like made me feel like my issue was nothing compared to others."

"You know Nya still cares about you...." Cole tried to reason with Jay. "She just doesn't really know how to help you. Hell, _I'm_ not even too sure how to help you right now." The ginger could feel the earth ninja's hand floating over his, as if wanting to.... hold his hand, but hesitating to. Jay didn't really mind; the two had always been the closest, especially when the one needed the other. Jay was happy that Cole was here for him.

Even when he had things on his mind concerning him.

"Maybe." Jay responded, hesitating before slowly reaching up to take Cole's hand in his. After doing so, he felt... elevated. Like holding his hand now made him feel more safe. Cole hardly seemed to react at all, like it was a natural thing to him; it was not. He looked to the lightning ninja and it immediately made him feel all of his anxieties, his worries, his problems- all go away, as he sat there once again, Cole by his side. 

"But at least i still have you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okayokayokay,,, i know it's kinda slow rn,,,, and the interaction between Jay and Nya was short, awkward, and not-so-sweet,,,,, sorry bruise fans :"( but i promise!!! things will pick up soon, and recovery WILL HAPPEN!! It's ON BOARD!! If y'all are looking for epic twists, action, and spilled tea, this fic ain't for you. Nope!! Jay + A Good Mental Health foreva!!!
> 
> Thanks for reading, as usual! Comments and kudos are ALWAYS appreciated!!!
> 
> Next up: Jay tries to tell Cole that he had a gay + kinda scary dream abt him!!


	7. Take Me To The Pilot (Elton John)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Why, we ought to give him some souvies for when he's in the big city! So he doesn't forget us country boys!" Jay chuckled. "Just wait, your dad'll want you back soon enough, and you'll be up and gone too!"_
> 
> _"Getting rid of me so soon?" Cole teased, bringing an arm up and around the pale boy's neck._  
>  _"Even if that were true, My daddy woulda wanted me back a long time ago if I didn't keep tellin' him I got straight A's in that dumb school he signed me up for!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I make like,,, a backstory series? Like, what it would have been like if Cole and Jay had grown up together?? This work obviously would be a part of it, but like,,,, Would you guys enjoy that? Let me know!
> 
> Also, thank you thank you THANK YOU SO MUCH for being so patient y'all,,, I've been kinda struggling with life lately so updates are quite slow. Wanted to speed things up just a tad b/c Jay's sort of gonna start making all the wrong decisions soon ;p
> 
> Spoiler Alert: jay DOESNT TELL COLE ABT THE DREAM LIKE I SAID KHGJGFHGFDHG

Jay hated this. He has known many times from being injured during missions that sitting out is never fun. No gi, no weapons.... nothing! It has been nearly a week since his lungs had collapsed, and Zane finally let him walk around the Monastery, but he was not allowed to even ride in the backseat of missions. 

If you asked him, it was bullshit. Then again, He didn't really have any hope of seeing Nya anytime soon. He knew that what she had said was unintentional, but after his whole hospitalization fiasco, he was hoping she'd go easy on him with the questions and concerns. She was a good person at heart, he'll give her that, but..... How could he put it? She went too fast. She asked the wrong questions at the wrong time. And honestly, now that he thinks about it, Jay always remembered as such.

Always one step ahead of everyone. Witty, as her brother liked to boast. 

"Hey hey, guess who brought you a week-old cupcake that-i-certainly-didn't-keep-just-for-you," Cole walked into his room, in his casual clothes. Jay was currently in his bedroom, reading one of his many comic books he owned. Looking up with some interest, the blue ninja smiled. "Awe, i'm touched," He pretended to be the most excited person alive, taking the cupcake with one hand. He took noticed of something, and quickly set his treat down to examine Cole's hand. 

"Uhh?" Cole raised a bushy eyebrow, pondering about what Jay was searching for.

"Since when do you paint your nails?" Jay questioned, almost teasingly as he saw the bright blue nail polish on his fingernails. Cole's gaze seemed to alter, fixating now to the side. Was he... blushing? Jay couldn't tell, because of his darker skin, but if he was Jay couldn't help but laugh. "No need to be embarrassed!"

"I'm not _embarrassed_!" Cole shot back, yet a huge grin was planted onto his face. Jay's mouth let giggles escape it, as he pulled his friend down to sit with him. Tossing the comic he had aside, he instinctively let himself hold Cole's hand.

Time does funny things to all of our memories, not just to the old and elderly.

_"So, you know Connor got a girl, right?"_

_"Why, we ought to give him some souvies for when he's in the big city! So he doesn't forget us country boys!" Jay chuckled, nudging Cole's arm a bit. "Just wait, your dad'll want you back soon enough, and you'll be up and gone too!"_

_"Getting rid of me so soon?" Cole teased, bringing an arm up and around the pale boy's neck. "My daddy woulda wanted me back a long time ago if I didn't keep tellin' him I got straight A's in that dumb school he signed me up for," He added, looking up from the shade at the beautiful July sky._

_Jay frowned a little. He heard Cole talk about his dad, and how he had always been so distant with Cole. He had a father, he was just never... present, you know? It makes Jay feel like Cole deserved his own loving father. "Well, you forget about him. If he doesn't want you back, then you'll stay here!" He joked around, before standing up and beginning to climb the tree they sat against. Cole didn't follow, but watched in amusement as Jay tried to climb up the tree in a long dress._

_"Did your mom make you go to book club again, or something?" He queried, as Jay grunted from where he finished getting comfy on a sturdy branch. "Yes," He responded with a sigh. "She didn't want the other mothers to be concerned, so she asked me to."_

_"I'm assuming you said yes?"_

_"No, i'm wearing this by choice." Jay's voice dripped with sarcasm, as Cole snickered, looking up to the boy. "Ha ha, funny. Well, It can't get worse," he said with a shrug._

_"I'm just... confused. I don't like dresses sometimes, but other times i do. I like wearing boy shirts and use the boy bathrooms, so.... what am i?" Jay spoke up, looking away from Cole. The darker kid furrowed his eyebrows, creating an expression of worry. "Jay, we talked about this. You're you. You're just.... like a scientist, who's experimenting with his evil, chemical potions." he replied, pretending to make a scary face. Jay rolled his eyes with a huge grin on his face._

_"...... Thanks, Cole. You know how to cheer me up. Now help me down from here, you big log, because i'm much too short to land on my two feet."_

_"Must suck to suck, Little Hobbit!"_

_"Shut up!! Am NOT!!"_

Cole landed on the bed softly, looking to Jay with admiration. "What's gotten into you today?" 

"Not much. I'm not allowed to go anywhere really, since Zane has prohibited me from missions." 

Cole smiled awkwardly. Jay almost did a back flip with his heart. "Yeah, we've noticed. The team ain't the same without your friendly banter." He teasingly responded, crossing one leg over another as he sat across from the master of lightning.

Jay shrugged. "I'm sure you'll do fine. small petty crimes weren't my forte anyways."

Cole snorted, rolling his eyes. "yeah right, you're like the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man for Ninjago."

They sat in some silence. Man, did every conversation with Jay in it end up like this? So terribly silent and awkward?

"So, um..... I wanted to ask you a question. It's uh, well, I'd just like to know." Cole finally spoke up, catching Jay's attention. "Like, you don't have to answer, but um... It'd be nice if you could."

What's up?" Jay curiously asked. Cole's lips went into a straight line, as he obviously was trying to just spit whatever it was he asked for out. 

"Did.."

Was Jay nervous about what he was going to ask? Hell yes.

"Did you ever like me? At some point?" The words were as clear as diamond, almost readable off of Cole's lips. Very uh, KISSABLE LIPS. Dammit brain, why do you say things like that? Now you've influenced the author *wink wink, nudge nudge*.

Jay froze, trying to think of a good answer. What would his reaction be? Should he tell the truth? A lie? What would happen? 

Looking down at their entwined hands, He soon discovered his answer. Every time he walked past Cole, or talked to him, his heart fluttered. His pale face seemed to grow warmer around him, his dark thoughts being fought off by his kindness. When he reached for the ginger's hand, he felt such a sort of honor that Cole would want to hold HIS hand, his of all people's. Every time he smiled, it set off a roller coaster of happy emotions in Jay that no one else could spark. He felt something stronger, stronger than what he and Nya had. Whatever him and Wu have, or Lloyd, or any of the other people in his life. He would.... well, He'd die for Cole, just so he could keep on being him in this world. Cole was the one thing keeping him from trying to end himself again. He didn't think about how he'd feel the first time round, how hard it might have been on Cole, and the other ninja for Jay's irrational actions, but.... now he was starting to understand what he had to live for. What to do to **feel** again.

"Can I tell you the truth?" He asked, but awaited no answer. It looked as though Cole was holding his breath, and soon let the expression leave as he tried to explain himself. "I-if you don't that's cool too,-"

"Cole..." Jay couldn't help the smile on his face as the coal-haired (hah- get it?) male looked away as he rambled on. 

"I just wanted to see if you did-"

"Cole."

"- In case if I got my hopes up for nothing, you know-"

"Cole, for FSM's sake, I DO!"

Cole froze, looking up at Jay with his brown eyes, only to meet the other's heterochromatic ones. Jay's smile grew. "I do like you, Cole. I'm not sure why, or how, and I can't explain any of it.... But I do. And, when we looked into our futures back in the ice caves, I may not have seen you by my side, and at the time I had my heart so set on Nya, but now I-I _realize_ , that it was only what I wanted to see. A reality I thought others wanted for me, what I thought I wanted for myself."

"....Um?" The other looked dumbfounded, shocked when Jay started ranting himself. He was ignored. 

"I love you, you big log, okay? That's all I want to say." 

Utter silence. 

Was that the wrong answer? Jay's head pounded with the one thought that made the other thoughts go blank.

**Did I fuck up again?**

What came next flew by faster than the two could compute. Faces drawing themselves closer to each other, Jay slowly leaning back as Cole leaned forward. Lips brushed together, and eventually helped close gaps between them. the master of lightning threw his arms around Cole, holding him close even if the other reciprocated this action. 

Air was needed after a few moments passing along, Jay stopping to make sure he didn't suffocate himself. Looking up at Cole, who practically loomed over him, he saw the red on his darker skin, and reached a hand over to touch his cheek. "Did we really just..."

"Yeah, but you were a bit sloppy. Come on, I thought you said you've kissed people before?" Cole whispered, a small chuckle following his response. He earned a smack to the chest, and pretended to look hurt about it. "I'm offended, Walker."

"Shouldn't be, because i'm sure it will be made up for."

"Oh yeah? How so?" Cole always had that childish grin on his face, even if technically his mind and age were actually older by a year than the others. But Jay always felt his heart grow when he saw him smile. 

"Only one way to find out." 

Connected once again, Jay felt the sparks go up and down his body, as the master of earth reached for the blanket, covering the two up as Jay absentmindedly reached for the lamp on his nightstand before the room went dark. 

Okay, so, they _did_ do more than just confess their requited love. But I TOLD YOU the author would throw in somethin' else with it as well ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG YES THEY FINALLY DO THE KISSY KISSY (Can you tell i suck at writing kiss scenes? I looked up 5 articles and still learned nothing XD)
> 
> and YES THEY DO WHAT THEY DO AT THE END BUT LIKE,,,, THIS WAS RATED M FOR A FUKCING REASON PPL skdjfhakjsdfhkjdhfk
> 
> Stay tuned for another episode of 'Jay doesn't know what he's fucking doing anymore'!


	8. C'est La Vie (Khaled) / I'm Still Standing (Elton John)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> la vie continue, vivons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that some people wanted me to post what jay looks like in this fic, and I am working on it! Who knew redesigning characters was difficult for me to draw!! :")  
> I know this chapter is actually quite short (Only like- 5 hundred and something words- but I just really wanted to wrap up this fic so I can start on part 2 of the Touchdown 'Verse Series! I already kind of have an idea for what It's going to be about ;)
> 
> Thanks so much for all the hits, kudos, comments, and appreciation put into this fic! I am so happy that that many people love what I've written!
> 
> Stay tuned!

Sunshine seeped in through the blinds, only lighting up slivers of the darkened room. Jay would have been up by now, training like usual if he wasn't forced to quit training and missions for a while due to his mental health. Instead, He was now used to sleeping in more than not. But, he felt a certain presence had claimed a spot beside him on the bed.

Arms had slid in between Jay's own, holding onto his torso underneath the covers. Jay, half awake, practically smiled, shifting the position of his messy ginger head to rest against Cole. 

This felt nice. Calming. Peaceful, like the quiet before a roaring hurricane.

"Good morning." Barely a whisper greeted him, a grumbling tone that made his ear dance, and his heart skip several beats. "Sleep well?"

"Well..." His mouth went into a straight line, drawing out the 'well' quite a bit. Cole hummed in disapproval, resting his chin on Jay's shoulder as he spooned him. "Oh come on, you're being dramatic," He teasingly responded to Jay's answer, a small bit of laughter escaping his lips. 

"Perhaps," Jay shrugged him off gently, moving slowly to sit up and roll his shoulders back and forth. He noticed the lack of clothing, and walked over to his dresser to pick out new ones. Grabbing a blue and white striped t-shirt, and a pair of sweatpants, He slipped both on with ease, while throwing in his binder to the mix.

"Since when did you have an eyepatch stashed by your bedside?" Cole asked, almost as if he was just trying to tease Jay about it. He picked it up, and examined the navy blue fabric with black stitching around the edges. Jay turned his head just after pulling his shirt over his head, and walked over with a raised eyebrow. "Oh you know.... around."

"Plan on becoming a pirate or something?"

"Guess you could say that." Jay joked, taking the fabric gently, and placing it back on the nightstand he had. Cole, in the meantime, stood and stretched out his limbs, grabbing one of Jay's more oversized shirts. To be honest, he'd go and grab his own, but laziness was a trait of his even if ninja had no room for laziness. 

"Hey, Cole?" Jay called his name, turning to face him. 

"What's up, Jaybird?"

"Do you.... really love me?" He asked, puffy lips parting ever so slightly as he awaited an answer. Cole tilted his head to one side, a confused look on his face. 

"Man, I thought that was obvious. Of... of course I do. I always have." He responded with ease, Jay sighing a silent breath of relief. "Of- of course, I want to take this slow, as well, but y'know.... I just want you to know that. I know," Shifting positions, he took a few steps closer to Jay, hands sliding up to hold his shoulders. "Life has been kinda rough. With Nya, and Us, and... all that, but uh, I just want you to know: No matter what, I love you, and I'm always here, okay? I always will be, no matter what _we_ are."

Jay felt like he was on a ski lift to heaven, not having to wait any longer to go up. "I love you too," His voice was barely a whisper, as he wrapped his skinny arms around the other's torso, hugging him as much as he could. Cole returned the embrace, resting his chin on top of Jay's curly-haired head.

But as they gave each other affection, Jay couldn't help but stare at the eyepatch from where it sat. It was like it was calling him, beckoning him to delve deep into a fate he would rather not forsee.

He wished only for things to remain the same, for as long as they can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Do you remember?_   
>  _Out in the back yard playing pirates_
> 
> _Youthful wishes to sail in a ship bigger than a house_   
>  _Our parents told us to play nice_   
>  _Understand our dreams was something they never did_
> 
> _"Raise the anchor!" You would shout_   
>  _Everyone in the neighborhood would tell us to grow up_   
>  _Missions for gold is what we went on digging up the yard_   
>  _Every day when we came home our cardboard ship was there_   
>  _My sword taped and stapled together after years of play_
> 
> _Back too those years I wish I could go_   
>  _Everyday repairs were necessary to keep the dream alive_   
>  _Ready for our last adventure_
> 
> _This time we'll be sailing for real_


End file.
